Negotiating Your Way Successfully Through the Holidays

The holidays are meant to be a joyful time, getting together with loved ones, sharing traditions and enjoying the wonder of the season. Unfortunately, holidays are also often fraught with disagreements like which family (and home) will host the festivities, who will be invited, what is the price per gift and who will select the menu for dinner.

Join negotiation experts, Peter Stark and Jane Flaherty, authors of The Only Negotiating Guide Youll Ever Need, in a humorous, yet practical look at some typical" holiday negotiations and how you can be assured of emerging as the winner." Take a critical holiday negotiation like The Squeeze Play", the art of squeezing in" a newcomer to the family holiday gathering. Imagine your sister has been dating a new guy for several months. You know she is going to want to invite him to Christmas dinner. However, youre not sure he is a keeper" and will fit in with the rest of the family. Your sister will start the negotiation with the tactic of The Trial Balloon." Shell say something like, Since Christmas is coming and my boyfriend has no family in town, I was thinking of inviting him to spend Christmas with our family." What will you do or say to handle this situation without hurting your sisters feelings? If you really dont want the new boyfriend around for Christmas, Stark and Flaherty recommend, the tactic of Weve Never Done That Before" where you remind your sister that in the last 37 years you have only had immediate family at the Christmas gathering. Of perhaps you might invoke the tactic of Higher Authority", where you tell your sister that youll have to check with mom and dad, and remind her that there is a good chance they will say no.

Or perhaps youre faced with Who Do You Love the Most", the

art of sharing your time amongst family members without hurting someones feelings. This time you are out with your parents for dinner when they mention that they'd like you to have Christmas at their home (even though they know that this year you're supposed to spend it with your husband's family). Instead of becoming irritated or defensive, use the tactic of YIKES! You've got to be kidding. Act physically surprised - flinch slightly, frown a bit, raise an eyebrow. "They'll feel put on the spot to offer up an explanation, or just to keep talking," says Stark. "In doing so they'll probably be compelled to counter with something to improve the situation, without your having to say much."

Contact: Patti McCord

patti@pbsconsulting.com

858.451.3601



Author Information

Patti Mccord
PETER BARRON STARK & ASSOCIATES