Michael Jackson Psychological Makeover Tips
1. Change your wardrobe. Ditch the Captain Crunch clothing and make an emergency call to the "Queer Eye" guys. (Try blazers and turtlenecks as a start.)
Get rid of the surgical mask and gloves. Germfree is impossible, take your chances with the rest of us. We all live in a dangerous world.
3. Fire your makeup people! The whiteface may cut it with Marcel Marceau but not the king of pop in 2004.
4. Get a voice coach. Lower your voice output two octaves and practice the phrase, I'll be back." (Arnold may help.)
5. Dismantle the roller-coaster, give all the animals to a zoo and rename, Neverland. (British sounding estate names such as Southingham is a start.)
6. Shave your head. Bald is in as well as being sexy in a normal way. (You need as much help as you can get.)
7. Get a girlfriend and stick with her for awhile. (I define a girlfriend as a female species, preferably attractive, between the ages of 23 and 35. (No breeding cows please.)
8. Take the mask off your kids and rename them ordinary American sounding names like Frank or Al. Theyre not too old and still have a chance to be normal.
9. Little children are not your friend neither are their mommies. Only sleepovers of female supermodels are allowed. (Obviously the should be number one!)
10. Make your next album reinterpretations of Frank Sinatra show tunes. It will add an air of respectability and much needed stability to your life.
Author Information
Robert Butterworth Phd
